i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
