please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just found a bag of teeth...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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