Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
