Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
