why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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