I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
