If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
