i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
