you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
