If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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