Pants 0. Shit 1.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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