Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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