Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
