We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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