I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
