Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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