is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
