I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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