i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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