There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sorry my hands just texted you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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