Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
