glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
