his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
