Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
