taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
