I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
