Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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