she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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