at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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