I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
