You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
