so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I looked at my own cervix.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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