I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
