your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
