i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
