I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize