Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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