ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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