"it" just moved
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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