My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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