I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
