i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm really busy with my period
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