Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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