Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
