checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
