omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
