the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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