16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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