Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
