All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
