I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
