i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have already put on my inside pants.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
