I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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