you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
