No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
