we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
