my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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