I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
