Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
