just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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