I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
