xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
